From Insecurity to Maturity

I pray that as we take this journey, you will look critically at yourself and be honest with yourself.

First of all, let’s define the word insecurity: insecurity refers to an unsettled awareness of who I want to be and who I am.

There are three types of Insecurities 1. Pattern insecurity- “I’m not believable.” 2. Performance Insecurity- “I’m not capable!” 3. Personal Insecurity- “Send someone else!”

Let’s look at Moses. He was definitely insecure. Let’s see if we can identify with him and let’s see how God helped him.

I would like you to read the full chapters of Exodus 3 & 4 in your spare time, but for this study, we will only focus on a few verses. In these chapters, God told Moses to go to the Pharaoh and lead his people out of Egypt. Exodus 4:1 says “And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The Lord hath not appeared unto thee.” This is a perfect example of Insecurity #1 Pattern Insecurity. He immediately focused on them not believing him. How many of us have done this same thing? God has told us to go into all of the world and preach the gospel and the first thing from our lips is, “But Lord, they won’t believe me!” How do you know? Have you tried? You have been commissioned to go, not to figure out if they will believe you or not!

Then he was given many wondrous works to perform in order that they may believe him, but he continued in his insecure feelings. Insecurity type #2 Performance Insecurity- “I’m not capable!” It says in Exodus 4:10-12 “And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue. And the Lord said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.” So, once again, God has said in so many words, “I will be there for you, so that you can be what you need to be,” But oh, no, Moses was still stuck in his own insecurities. He was suffering from Performance Insecurity: “I’m not capable!” God says, “Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.” Vs. 12 

Now, Verse 13 says, “And he said, O my Lord, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send.” In other words, he is telling God, “I’m not going; send someone else!” Insecurity #3 Personal Insecurity. After this, the Lord became angry with Moses. He sent Aaron along with him, but God had already essentially said, “You can do this, trust ME,” but Moses’ eyes were on himself instead of the Lord. “Your plan is perfect but send someone else,” he seemed to say.

Don’t allow your past to limit your future!

Everyone has feelings of insecurities, but don’t allow them to limit your future. Moses wanted to be an eloquent speaker, but he knew that he wasn’t. He allowed this feeling of being inadequate limit his future.

Insecurity #2, “I’m not capable!” is often masked within our congregations within ministries. I’m not capable shows up in murmuring. Many would rather be seen as a complainer than inadequate! Have you ever heard things like: “She don’t know what she’s doing!” “Why she doing it that way!” “She thinks that she knows everything!”? These are the insecure sisters who seem angry, but they are actually insecure. They are insecure in their capabilities, but would rather make others seem less adequate than themselves, thus seemingly making themselves seem more adequate than others.

You see a sister that’s doing a much better job than what you have done in the past and you murmur or you won’t even get out of the way so that the younger sisters can have a chance to spread their wings and fly, because you are insecure and you think that someone is going to steal your thunder. You are afraid that the congregation is ACTUALLY going to like the changes! It becomes even worse when the minister mentions the changes from the pulpit! You walk away with your nose turned up talking about, “”I don’t care!” or “I had that same idea and no one even recognized me!” Sisters, you should be encouraging them by telling them how you appreciate their willingness to bring things up to date and bring fresh ideas into the ministry. If you want to be the one coming up with fresh, new, innovative ideas for the ministry, research and talk to that sister or other sisters at other congregations to see what they are doing!

Now, one thing that rings true to me is that you don’t have to feel adequate to be adequate. 

Get out of your feelings! Don’t base your values on what others think of you! I wish I had learned this at an early age. You see, when I was little, my sisters would always pick on me and call me fat. Being the youngest of 14 siblings can make it hard! My mother had passed away when I was two years old and my father was always working to keep food on the table, so that left me in the hands of siblings when he wasn’t home. They would always tease me and call me fat and I would end up crying.

My father married again when I was four and even when she was around, my sisters would pick on me and call me names. I would run to my stepmother and cry, but she would never discipline them, she would always tell me, “Stop crying, because they only continue to pick on you, because you keep crying. This caused me to feel that I wasn’t even worth being defended. I understand now that since my mother passed when I was so little, I had not actually been nurtured the way a two year old should have been nurtured by a mother, so I was what they used to call “Tender Hearted.” You seasoned sisters probably are more familiar with this phrase! I started to believe that I was nothing and that I was ugly and worthless.

When I went to school, the days were worse. The kids at school did the same thing to me that my siblings did and more! I remember one particular day in the fifth grade, we were in music class. The teacher had left out to go make copies! One of the boys started making fun of my weight. The more they laughed, the more jokes he told! He made a chant about me that said, “Fatty, fatty two by four can’t fit through the bathroom door!” And they all began to chant, “Fatty, fatty two by four can’t fit through the bathroom door!” The tears swelled and rolled down my face! At this moment insecurity overwhelmed my life! I became very aware of my size and my weight and just how inadequate I was! I hated myself!

I became afraid to get up to go to the bathroom during class, to sharpen my pencil, or even raise my hand to answer a question, because of the fear that this would bring unwarranted attention to myself! I was insecure! Believe it or not, I STILL struggle with insecurity today! Many people say, “Oh, Tangelia, not you!” But what they don’t know is what lies beneath all of the confidence. After my first born son passed away, I went into a deep depression and the feelings I had of inadequacies became more than I could bear! In my mind, because I was inadequate, God didn’t think I was even worthy enough to be a mother! I literally started to die within myself! One day, I realized death was on my front steps and that day I vowed to come out of this insecure state, never to return again. And even if I was insecure, I would not go around proclaiming my insecurity. I had to learn to put my full trust in God!

To this day, I have to push myself to speak up and to speak assuredly! When I am speaking the loudest is when I am feeling the most insecure! I figure, if I speak loud enough, I won’t be able to hear Satan’s taunts in my ear and he will have no choice but to BACK OFF!

How do we conquer insecurity, you may ask? Depend on God! Your worth and value is in Christ and in Him alone!

The fear of inadequacy is fueled by belief in an inadequate God.

It’s one thing to feel inadequate. It’s another to feel that God is inadequate. Yet, that’s where we struggle. I have come to realize that we, as God’s people, have more faith in the manufacturer of a puzzle than we have in the manufacturer of our lives. Let me say that again, I have come to realize that we, as God’s people, have more faith in the manufacturer of a puzzle than we have in the manufacturer of our lives. God has example after example in the word of God to guide us, but we choose to not believe his word and then have the audacity to ask Him why has certain things happened in our lives.

The fear of inadequacy is squashed by the admission of my personal inadequacy and the confidence that the God I serve is more than adequate. He is the holy, incomprehensible, eternal, independent, all-knowing, all-present, all-powerful God who loves me with an unconditional love. He has adopted me as his child and tells me to call him “Abba, Father.” With his power and his presence, I am never inadequate.