How do you
move on after you've prayed for something so hard and God answers, “no” to your
request? I have been faced with that reality several times in the past, but
more so, most recently with the death of my friend and sister, Veronica Turner.
I realized that after her death that I had not actually thought that she would
die. I just knew that God would answer my prayer to heal her body in order that
she could remain here with us and especially for her daughter. But His answer
was much different than I had anticipated. He took her to be with Him, where she
would not have to deal with this cruel world any longer.
The last
time I remember praying so fervently was when I had my first born son. I prayed
so hard that he would be OK after his delivery, that I actually had no thought
that he would actually not survive even though the reality of his critical condition
was clear. It was like everyone around me understood the inevitable, while I
was living in a fantasy. I knew my baby would be fine, but when God answered
“no” and took my baby boy to Heaven to be with Him, I was heartbroken and angry
with God for all of a sudden turning His back on me and doing other than what I
had requested of Him. It was like a cruel joke that I was not ready to receive.
Have you
ever truly had faith in God about a situation and His answer turned out to be
something other than what you prayed for? It is truly hard to accept His answer
even though you know that God knows what He is doing. After the shock wears off
and you start to come to terms with what has taken place, you begin to realize
that more than likely, your prayer was selfish. This is how I see my past
prayers. I wanted my sister/ friend to stay here so that I would be happy and
not have to go through the pain. I never considered all of the pain that she
would have to go through in order just to live. Even with my baby, he was so
early; he would have had a difficult, painful life, at best. It is no wonder
God didn't listen to me. I am just a mere human who looks at things completely differently than God looks at things. I am so glad that He is God and He makes
no mistakes. I am so glad that He alone makes those tough decisions.
Even though
it is tough living without them, I know God has created in me a strength to
endure these painful times. He has taught me about endurance and given me a
special ability to help others through such trials of life. Without these types
of situations in life, I would not be equipped to help another sister along
life’s journey. I am who I am today because of God’s No’s. God’s No’s have
developed character in a number of us! We have learned that we can make it
through a lot more than we thought we could before His answer of No.
God, thank
you for saying, “No,” to me. It has created a faith in You and Your Heart
within me that would have never been developed without You having said, “No.”
Your grace is sufficient!
My aha! Moment: I am who I am today because of God's No's. Never thought of it that way. Thanks for sharing your blog.
ReplyDeleteOh, Trindi, thanks for your comment! I am happy that my words touched your heart! You know, we go through "no" after "no" from God and a lot of people feel that He is being cruel, but I have searched my heart and found that when He said. "NO," those were the times I grew the most! I would not be the Tangelia that you know today, had His answer been "Yes" on those occasions. Just this latest "NO" has caused me to change...I feel a complete change within my heart and soul!
DeleteI love this blog in so many ways because you open my heart and eyes to answers I had .I understand why his nos is not gets.thank you my sister for opening my heart I miss my sister / friend veronica so much .I be tempted to call her .wheww tears
DeleteLove you my sister /friend