I Ain't Always Been this Pretty! #HOLINESS

Holy means dedicated or consecrated to God.

Many times people relate holiness as acting or being better than someone else. You might hear someone say things such as, “What makes you so holy?” when they’ve been corrected about something that they are doing. Holiness does not mean that you think you are better, it means that you have dedicated your life and yourself to God and His purposes. Will you hurt feelings and offend people because of your stand? YES! But, it is our stand; it is how God would have for us to be about His business.

Now, the Bible tells us in 1 Peter 1:13-16 ¹³ Wherefore, having girded up the loins of your mind, be sober and hope with perfect stedfastness in the grace which will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; ¹⁴ as children of obedience, not conformed to your former lusts in your ignorance; ¹⁵ but as he who has called you is holy, be ye also holy in all your conversation; ¹⁶ because it is written, Be ye holy, for I am holy.

There is some work to do in order that we might reach the magnitude of holiness that God has for us to be. We should not consider that we will be as God, but that we will always continually work towards the destination of becoming holy. It is a difficult road, at times, but we must enrich our lives with such things and people which causes us and pushes us to continuously reach UP towards the goal of the higher calling in Jesus Christ.

Do we become holy by our own free will? No. We become holy because God makes us holy. Through the Holy Spirit which was imparted to us when we were baptized, we can safely say that we are holy. No amount of discipline of the flesh can make you holy. Remember, we are still as dirty rags to God. (Isaiah 64:6) Among those who believe holiness can be experienced in this life, many attempt to attain it through their own efforts. They abstain from all of the things they consider sinful, believing that the absence of sin equals holiness, which it does not. No amount of discipline of the flesh can produce holiness. It cannot be obtained through human effort. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. Romans 8:6-8.

That doesn’t mean it is permissible for our human nature to be unrestrained. There should be restraint, but that alone will not produce holiness.

Now in our text God said, You shall be holy, for I am holy (Leviticus 19:2). Only God is holy. So in order for us to become holy, we must accept His holiness. There must be transference of His holiness from Him to us. Our sin nature must be removed and His holiness must take its place. The Bible tells us in Eph. 4:22-24  to put off your old self,^[a] which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, ²³ and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. It is a matter of displacement. For example, let a tube full of black golf balls represent you and your sinful nature. Then take white golf balls, representing the Lord’s holiness and begin putting them in one end of the tube. Every time you put a white ball in one end, a black ball comes out of the other end. The principle of displacement is at work. Christ is invading your life and as He does, He conquers your sinful nature and overcomes it. He invades one aspect of your life after another.

Of course, the displacement principle doesn’t just automatically happen. It happens for those who believe and take the initiative with their faith to make it happen. Then said Jesus unto His disciples, If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it. Matthew 16:24-25.
The way the displacement was presented was actually a little over-simplified. Those little black balls don’t just fall out. The sin nature has to die, and of course, it is reluctant to do so. Consequently, it is not a pleasant experience. So if we want to be holy, we have to be dedicated to the means. It would be great if the Lord would make one swing with His two-edged sword and the work would be completed. But it doesn’t happen that way. It is more like cutting a dog’s tail off one inch at a time. It would probably happen much faster if we gave the Lord greater access. We tend to put up walls. It is difficult to lose that self-preservation instinct. The greater you love the Lord the easier it will be to submit to the work of the cross.

God continues to mold us and make us into what He wants us to be, which is holy. It is painful at times as He presses us in areas that we would rather not be pressed. Isaiah 64:8 says:  And now, Jehovah, thou art our Father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.

There is an old story told of a couple who went to England to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary and shopped at a beautiful antique store. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially tea-cups, and so spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful." As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the tea-cup spoke... "You don't understand." It said, "I have not always been a tea-cup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, Don't do that. I don't like it! "Let me alone," but he only smiled, and gently said; "Not yet!!" "Then, WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. "Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!" I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, quietly; 'Not yet.' He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then...he put me in the oven. 

I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. "Help! Get me out of here!" 'Not yet.' When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! "Ah, this is much better," I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible.. "Oh, please, Stop it! Stop it!" I cried. He only shook his head and said. "Not yet..." Then suddenly he put me back into the oven. Only it was not like the first time. This time it was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged... I pleaded... I screamed...I cried... I was convinced I would never make it.

 I was ready to give up and just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited and waited, wondering "What's he going to do to me next?" An hour later he handed me a mirror and said "Look at yourself." And I did... I said, "That's not me, that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful!" Quietly he spoke: "I want you to remember, then," he said, "I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. "I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. "And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you."

As you can hear from this story, the vessel had not always been that pretty cup that we see sitting on the shelf, just as we have not always been that pretty little Christian sister sitting on the pew. It took a lot of work from the potter and the willingness of the clay to be made into what the potter had initially envisioned, a vessel set aside for holiness. As we continue our walk towards holiness and God continues to mold us, allow Him to do so. He intends for our holiness to come shining through at the end of each process in our lives. At each stage of the process, you become closer and closer to what God envisioned you to be.

When sisters ask you, “How did you get this strong?” Tell them: “I ain’t always been this pretty!”

When asked, “How do you hold your tongue when people treat you like that?” tell them: “I ain’t always been this pretty!”

When someone says, “You must think you’re all that and a bag of chips!” tell them: “I ain’t always been this pretty!”

When a sister says to you: “Honey, I wouldn’t take that off my husband if I were you!” tell her: “I ain’t always been this pretty!”

While going through any of life’s trials, instead of screaming, “Take me out! Stop it!” Praise God for the molding towards holiness and scream to the top of your lungs, “I ain’t always been this pretty!”

From Insecurity to Maturity

I pray that as we take this journey, you will look critically at yourself and be honest with yourself.

First of all, let’s define the word insecurity: insecurity refers to an unsettled awareness of who I want to be and who I am.

There are three types of Insecurities 1. Pattern insecurity- “I’m not believable.” 2. Performance Insecurity- “I’m not capable!” 3. Personal Insecurity- “Send someone else!”

Let’s look at Moses. He was definitely insecure. Let’s see if we can identify with him and let’s see how God helped him.

I would like you to read the full chapters of Exodus 3 & 4 in your spare time, but for this study, we will only focus on a few verses. In these chapters, God told Moses to go to the Pharaoh and lead his people out of Egypt. Exodus 4:1 says “And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The Lord hath not appeared unto thee.” This is a perfect example of Insecurity #1 Pattern Insecurity. He immediately focused on them not believing him. How many of us have done this same thing? God has told us to go into all of the world and preach the gospel and the first thing from our lips is, “But Lord, they won’t believe me!” How do you know? Have you tried? You have been commissioned to go, not to figure out if they will believe you or not!

Then he was given many wondrous works to perform in order that they may believe him, but he continued in his insecure feelings. Insecurity type #2 Performance Insecurity- “I’m not capable!” It says in Exodus 4:10-12 “And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue. And the Lord said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.” So, once again, God has said in so many words, “I will be there for you, so that you can be what you need to be,” But oh, no, Moses was still stuck in his own insecurities. He was suffering from Performance Insecurity: “I’m not capable!” God says, “Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.” Vs. 12 

Now, Verse 13 says, “And he said, O my Lord, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send.” In other words, he is telling God, “I’m not going; send someone else!” Insecurity #3 Personal Insecurity. After this, the Lord became angry with Moses. He sent Aaron along with him, but God had already essentially said, “You can do this, trust ME,” but Moses’ eyes were on himself instead of the Lord. “Your plan is perfect but send someone else,” he seemed to say.

Don’t allow your past to limit your future!

Everyone has feelings of insecurities, but don’t allow them to limit your future. Moses wanted to be an eloquent speaker, but he knew that he wasn’t. He allowed this feeling of being inadequate limit his future.

Insecurity #2, “I’m not capable!” is often masked within our congregations within ministries. I’m not capable shows up in murmuring. Many would rather be seen as a complainer than inadequate! Have you ever heard things like: “She don’t know what she’s doing!” “Why she doing it that way!” “She thinks that she knows everything!”? These are the insecure sisters who seem angry, but they are actually insecure. They are insecure in their capabilities, but would rather make others seem less adequate than themselves, thus seemingly making themselves seem more adequate than others.

You see a sister that’s doing a much better job than what you have done in the past and you murmur or you won’t even get out of the way so that the younger sisters can have a chance to spread their wings and fly, because you are insecure and you think that someone is going to steal your thunder. You are afraid that the congregation is ACTUALLY going to like the changes! It becomes even worse when the minister mentions the changes from the pulpit! You walk away with your nose turned up talking about, “”I don’t care!” or “I had that same idea and no one even recognized me!” Sisters, you should be encouraging them by telling them how you appreciate their willingness to bring things up to date and bring fresh ideas into the ministry. If you want to be the one coming up with fresh, new, innovative ideas for the ministry, research and talk to that sister or other sisters at other congregations to see what they are doing!

Now, one thing that rings true to me is that you don’t have to feel adequate to be adequate. 

Get out of your feelings! Don’t base your values on what others think of you! I wish I had learned this at an early age. You see, when I was little, my sisters would always pick on me and call me fat. Being the youngest of 14 siblings can make it hard! My mother had passed away when I was two years old and my father was always working to keep food on the table, so that left me in the hands of siblings when he wasn’t home. They would always tease me and call me fat and I would end up crying.

My father married again when I was four and even when she was around, my sisters would pick on me and call me names. I would run to my stepmother and cry, but she would never discipline them, she would always tell me, “Stop crying, because they only continue to pick on you, because you keep crying. This caused me to feel that I wasn’t even worth being defended. I understand now that since my mother passed when I was so little, I had not actually been nurtured the way a two year old should have been nurtured by a mother, so I was what they used to call “Tender Hearted.” You seasoned sisters probably are more familiar with this phrase! I started to believe that I was nothing and that I was ugly and worthless.

When I went to school, the days were worse. The kids at school did the same thing to me that my siblings did and more! I remember one particular day in the fifth grade, we were in music class. The teacher had left out to go make copies! One of the boys started making fun of my weight. The more they laughed, the more jokes he told! He made a chant about me that said, “Fatty, fatty two by four can’t fit through the bathroom door!” And they all began to chant, “Fatty, fatty two by four can’t fit through the bathroom door!” The tears swelled and rolled down my face! At this moment insecurity overwhelmed my life! I became very aware of my size and my weight and just how inadequate I was! I hated myself!

I became afraid to get up to go to the bathroom during class, to sharpen my pencil, or even raise my hand to answer a question, because of the fear that this would bring unwarranted attention to myself! I was insecure! Believe it or not, I STILL struggle with insecurity today! Many people say, “Oh, Tangelia, not you!” But what they don’t know is what lies beneath all of the confidence. After my first born son passed away, I went into a deep depression and the feelings I had of inadequacies became more than I could bear! In my mind, because I was inadequate, God didn’t think I was even worthy enough to be a mother! I literally started to die within myself! One day, I realized death was on my front steps and that day I vowed to come out of this insecure state, never to return again. And even if I was insecure, I would not go around proclaiming my insecurity. I had to learn to put my full trust in God!

To this day, I have to push myself to speak up and to speak assuredly! When I am speaking the loudest is when I am feeling the most insecure! I figure, if I speak loud enough, I won’t be able to hear Satan’s taunts in my ear and he will have no choice but to BACK OFF!

How do we conquer insecurity, you may ask? Depend on God! Your worth and value is in Christ and in Him alone!

The fear of inadequacy is fueled by belief in an inadequate God.

It’s one thing to feel inadequate. It’s another to feel that God is inadequate. Yet, that’s where we struggle. I have come to realize that we, as God’s people, have more faith in the manufacturer of a puzzle than we have in the manufacturer of our lives. Let me say that again, I have come to realize that we, as God’s people, have more faith in the manufacturer of a puzzle than we have in the manufacturer of our lives. God has example after example in the word of God to guide us, but we choose to not believe his word and then have the audacity to ask Him why has certain things happened in our lives.

The fear of inadequacy is squashed by the admission of my personal inadequacy and the confidence that the God I serve is more than adequate. He is the holy, incomprehensible, eternal, independent, all-knowing, all-present, all-powerful God who loves me with an unconditional love. He has adopted me as his child and tells me to call him “Abba, Father.” With his power and his presence, I am never inadequate.

Born to be Wild

This lesson is inspired by my daily bible study, “Girlfriends in God."

Both his stature and demeanor were unimpressive to elite breeders. He was exercised with harsh tactics, under cruel restrictions and publicly dismissed by a professionally acclaimed trainer. Eventually, the horse, Seabiscuit, became a wild, bitter, and angry animal that was considered worthless to the racing world and was sold for a very small price.

The new owner, a wealthy auto salesman, hired an experienced trainer to work with the racehorse… a man who others would no longer hire… a man who, like the horse, had been beaten up by life a bit. At one low point, however, the owner felt the horse was too wild… wild with rebellion and stubbornness… too damaged to keep… untamable and unusable. The trainer, a broken outcast himself, came to the defense of Seabiscuit by protesting to his frustrated owner, “You don’t throw a whole life away just because it’s banged up a little.”

 He saw promise in the midst of their problem.

And so it should be with you and me.

In Romans 8, the apostle Paul assures us that no matter what we are up against, as followers of Jesus Christ – we are equipped in Him with all the power needed to overcome. “In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” (Romans 8:37)

This new trainer had his hands chock full of rebellion with the stallion, but he patiently and painstakingly trained him as best he could. He watched closely as the small horse raced without heart on the track, and soon identified a major problem.

“They’ve got him so screwed up running in a circle, he’s forgotten what he was born to do. He just needs to learn how to be a horse again,” he said.

So, in an effort to help the horse remember how to be a horse, the trainer had the jockey run him in open grassy fields. They took the horse back to his roots. Back to a place where space was plentiful and restrictions were but a simple fence. Back to a place of his first love: wild freedom. And by doing so, they awakened a fresh spark of purpose in the heart of Seabiscuit.

He went on to be a champion that ran like the wind.

There have been times in my life when I was so focused on limitations, distractions, doubts, and losses that I failed to see my possibilities. Times when I fixed my thoughts, my goals, my choices, and my habits on ways that led to death instead of life. Times when I lost sight of true vision – God’s awesome purpose for my life: to worship Him, to seek Him, to honor Him, and to obey Him… so that He might be glorified in and through every race I run.

Have you been there? Are you there now, sisters?

In order for Seabiscuit to run with the power and passion he was made to run with, he needed to remember that he was a wild stallion. The same is true for you and me. In order for us to live the lives we were born to live, our vision must be cast far beyond our restrictions and obstacles. Our vision must be fixed on the One who designed us to worship with wild abandoned… to live with wild freedom.

You were born to be wild, friend. Wild for Jesus. Wild with purpose. Wildly surrendered to the will of God. Wildly obedient to His commands. Wildly led by the power of the Holy Spirit at work within you.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God… Lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.”

(Hebrews 12:1-2,12,13, ESV)

There are times we all struggle to see hope. Times when we want to throw in the towel, throw up our hands, and run the other way. Times when we believe our children are too far gone, our workplaces are too insufferable, our relationships are too complicated, our finances are too overwhelming, our marriages are too fragmented, and our health difficulties are too painful. What can we do in these times? Fix our eyes on God’s promises and provision instead of on our problems. 

The richest lessons of life often come from the most painful pits we pass through. Let me say that again… The richest lessons of life often come from the most painful pits we pass through. I know many of you already know my story, but let me pause for a moment to remind you. Antwan and I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in 1998 who looked JUST like his daddy. We had so much hope for this child. But little did I know that before nightfall, my baby boy would be gone to be with Jesus. I thought that I would not make it… I thought that I would die from the pain in my heart! I had often heard of people saying that they had a broken heart and thought that it was just a saying, until my baby died. I literally thought my heart would stop beating in any moment…I thought my heart was broken into a thousand pieces because of the pain I was feeling. But from this one experience, the worst experience of my life, I have learned the richest lessons… I have gained wings that no human can clip! John Piper, in his book Desiring God, said it this way, “God, in love, will use whatever trials are necessary to intensify our savoring of his glory.” Every ounce of every struggle you face can be used to bring honor and glory to God, if you will allow His grace to meet you in your weak and weary places. In Christ, and because of His perfect love… courage, hope, and strength are fully accessible each time you look to God in the midst of your problems.

Remember? You are born to be wild. Wild for Jesus. Wild with confidence and courage to press through resistance because of His faithful, redemptive love. Wild with purpose. Wildly surrendered to the will of God. Wildly obedient to His commands. Wildly led by the power of the Holy Spirit at work within you, wildly purposed to use your most painful life experiences to bring glory to God!

Take this to heart and remember who you were born to be. Believe beyond your brokenness today, knowing that God won’t throw a whole life away just cause it’s banged up a little.

Jacob was a cheater

Peter had a temper

David had an affair

Noah got drunk

Jonah ran from God

Paul was a murderer

Gideon was insecure

Miriam was a gossiper

Martha was a worrier

Thomas was a doubter

Sara was impatient

Elijah was moody

Moses stuttered

Zaccheus was short

Abraham was old

And Lazarus, he was dead…

Now, what’s YOUR excuse?

Can God use you or not?

God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the CALLED!

Problems into Pearls

Many people look at the pearl and think that the pearl is one of the most beautiful jewels of all. I am sure that on Sunday morning, you get dressed, get ready to put on your accessories and think, “What will REALLY make this outfit pop?” You say, “Ah, yes, my pearls!” Yes, they are a precious stones and they can dress up just about anything in your closet. Pair a short strand of pearls with a business suit, or wrap a long strand of pearls around your wrist. Wear stud pearl earrings with your work attire. Pearls create an elegant and womanly look when paired with an evening gown. Opt for colorful, large and long pieces when wearing a solid-color dress, or go for small pearls when wearing elaborately embellished attire. In the evening, wear necklaces, earrings and bracelets in combination. With everyday attire, have a little fun with your pearl jewelry. If you pair a classy top with jeans, add pearls to create a trendy and fashionable look. Choose chunky pearls, colored pearls or layer different strands of pearls. Pearls are the quintessential.

But I am sure that you are not reading this to get fashion tips; therefore, I am ready to give you some Jesus tips. How many of you look at your string of pearls, before putting them on, and stand there thinking about the process that this precious jewel has gone through to set off your outfit? Some of us don’t REALLY know or understand how a pearl is formed, in the first place. All we know is that pearls come from an oyster and that’s about it. I mean, after all, we don’t really NEED to know how pearls are formed to enjoy wearing them, now do we? No, we don’t… but in order to TRULY appreciate them, we need to know the process that they’ve gone through.

Rather than forming in the ground like most gems, a natural pearl begins when a foreign substance slips into the oyster between the mantle, a fold of skin which protects the oyster’s organs, and the shell. This foreign substance irritates the mantle. It's kind of like the oyster getting a splinter. The oyster's natural reaction is to cover up that irritant to protect itself. The mantle covers the irritant with layers of the same nacre that is used to create the shell. The longer a pearl stays in the shell, the more nacre or protective coating, forms and the larger the pearl.

Most pearls that we see in jewelry stores are nicely rounded objects, not all pearls turn out so round. Some pearls form in an uneven shape- these are called baroque pearls. Pearls, as you've probably noticed, come in a variety of colors, including white, black, gray, red, blue and green. Most pearls can be found all over the world, but black pearls are indigenous to the South Pacific.

The two most common types of pearls are cultured and natural. Natural pearls are ones that occur when a small impurity, like a grain of sand, enters the shell of a mollusk, naturally. Cultured pearls are formed in exactly the same way as natural pearls, but the initial impurity is inserted into the shell to start the pearl growth.

In our lives, there are occasions in which problems are going to arise. John 16:33 says: “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” As people, that’s the last thing that we want…PROBLEMS! They just cause so many…well…PROBLEMS! There is just no way around it! We will have trouble in this life, but I am here to share with you today how we can turn our problems into pearls.

As I have explained, pearls are formed from foreign substances that enter into the oyster. How many of you have had foreign substances enter into your life? We all have! They are as unwelcome to us as they are to this oyster, because they irritate us, just like they irritate the oyster. Now, the oyster’s natural defense is to cover it up with layers of nacre to protect itself. We humans react the same way. When problems come into our lives, our first instinct is to protect ourselves. When facing trials in our lives, the issue is not the irritant, but what we decide to cover the irritant with? Do you cover your irritant with alcohol, drugs, or sex referred to in 1 John 2:16? Or do you cover it up with the salve of Jesus as referred to in Ezekiel 16:8? A protection of anything other than Jesus, will never produce a pearl of high quality (Matthew 6:25-34). Remember, the longer the irritant stays in the oyster, the more nacre is produced to cover it, the larger the pearl will become. Here I stand to encourage you to not stress about how long trouble lasts. Just continue to cover the trouble with Jesus, because the longer the problem stays in your life and the more Jesus you cover it with, the bigger the pearl you will produce in the end.

When we think of pearls, we think of a perfectly round jewel, but not all pearls are perfectly round. A number of pearls are unevenly shaped and of different colors. The shape of the foreign substance that has entered the shell determines the shape of the pearl, and the location of the body of water from which the oyster was taken, governs the color. So for instance, the foreign substance of my mother being on hospice for about a month now is producing a pearl of a different shape than the foreign substance that has entered your life. The foreign substance that has entered my life here in Maryland has produced pearls of a different color than the foreign substance that has entered your life in Alabama or Georgia. But as Christians, after going through such trials, we can string our pearls together to create a piece, exemplifying God’s glory!

We previously discussed the two different types of pearls, the natural pearl and the cultured pearl. The natural pearl takes place when foreign substances, naturally, enter the shell of the oyster, but a cultured pearl takes place when someone inserts the foreign substance into the oyster. We, too, can develop natural pearls and cultured pearls. In our lives, there are natural troubles that occur such as death, natural disasters, or sickness; on the other hand, there are cultured problems in which people insert into our lives like a child deciding that she no longer wants to be a mother and she drops all five of her kids at your door, an abusive husband, or a person lying and scheming to make you lose your job in order that they can have your position. 2 Timothy 3:1-5 says, “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” No matter if our lives have been plagued with natural troubles or cultured troubles, we can still develop pearls by covering the problem with Jesus!

Yes, no matter your problems, you can cover it with Jesus! (Romans 8:31)

Sickness…cover it with Jesus

Death…cover it with Jesus

Loss of work…cover it with Jesus

Wayward child…cover it with Jesus

Divorce…cover it with Jesus

Bills are due…cover it with Jesus

Church members gone astray…cover it with Jesus

Church in turmoil…cover it with Jesus

Spirit low…cover it with Jesus

Depression…cover it with Jesus

Problems on the job…cover it with Jesus

Evil in our world…cover it with Jesus

Sin…cover it with Jesus

And if we continue to cover our problems with Jesus, then our problems will become our PEARLS!

He Had to Break me to Build Me

I have told the story many times of losing a baby boy. And I don’t tell the story for pity or for “I’m sorry.” I tell the story because this is the point in my life that caused me to look up and allow God to use me for His glory! This is the part of my life that saved me from sure destruction. I can’t praise God, without allowing myself to think back to the day that my life changed forever thus creating in me a faith that is now unbreakable!

 

There was a time in life when I thought that it was all about the friends, hanging out, partying and having a good time. I was in church every Sunday and Wednesday, faithfully, but there was no substance in my shout. I went only because I knew that was what I was supposed to do. I was doing what my step mother used to call, “playing church.”  I thought I was getting by with my sin, yet, I knew full well that all that I was doing was against God’s will.

Then one day, I found out that I was pregnant out of wedlock. I was devastated and afraid. “How could this happen to me?” I felt like I was caught in my sin! I was embarrassed, and I no longer wanted to go to church, but I went.

My then boyfriend (Antwan Terrell) and I got married and we knew that we were in for a rude awakening, but we were in it for the long haul. We didn't want the baby to grow up without having both of us in the household.

Approximately one and a half month after we were married, I suddenly went into labor, had a son and he passed away 7 1/2 hours after his birth. What a heartbreaking day that was! What a anesthetizing feeling it was to have to plan the funeral of my newborn son! What an unrealistic scene I was experiencing as I sat at the graveside and watched them lower his little wooden box into the ground. “My precious baby!” was all I could mutter! I was not ready for the pain that would ensue the days and months following his death! I was not ready for the heartache that felt as if it would rip my heart out and tear my soul asunder! I was not ready for the sleepless nights that caused me to relive every moment of his birth and burial!

 “God had done this to me!”

“What kind of God could give me something so precious only to snatch it away?”

I was broken!

For a year, I cried at the drop of a hat! I could not see a baby without crying! I avoided the baby section in the store altogether! I was delirious with anger! I felt like life was sucking the air out of me!

I finally got tired of just feeling the pain after a good laugh with a friend one day! I couldn't believe that it felt so good to laugh! I said to myself, “Either you’re going to learn to “laugh” through it or die in it!” I decided to “LAUGH” THROUGH IT! I started going to ladies ministry events! I started visiting friends, again! I made an effort to do fun things!  I LAUGHED, AGAIN and AGAIN! (and I laughed loudly and I continue to laugh loudly)

I began to go to every women’s event I could! I learned so much and I loved so much! My sisters in Christ became my family! During this time a bond was developed! I started to study the word hard and apply it and I started to understand how it applied to my life! I started to not only teach at work, but I started to teach the women’s classes! This was a BIG step for me! I fell in love with teaching the women and dealing with our issues. It brought and it brings such comfort! I love to see the women of the church thirsting after righteousness! I love to help us to get through whatever it is we are dealing with!

Believe it or not, it has been 20 years TODAY and there is still a part of my heart that is missing! But, as I said in my last post, “God Answered, NO!” I praise God for His answer of, “No!” Praise God for His pruning! As much as I miss holding him, kissing him, and just being his mommy, I thank God even more for His breaking me to build me! I still remember that last kiss on his still warm skin, his feet, his hands, his ears! My lips tingle as I relish the memory! 

Had He not allowed me to be broken, I would not have been able to weather the many storms of life that have touched my life throughout the years! I would not have been able to help my friends who have lost little ones to stand and smile again! He built me up from the pieces that were broken! He made me into a woman of God that is sure of her faith in the Lord and who is more than happy to share Jesus with those she meet along the way!

He had to break me to build in me a sure foundation for the fortification of the word of God within me!

HE HAD TO BREAK ME TO BUILD ME! THANK YOU, LORD!

Dedicated to my son, Antwan Chavez Terrell, II.



Happy birthday, my love! Mommy is looking forward to seeing you again in Heaven some day!!!